Conehead Beau

Beau woke up this morning and wasn't opening his left eye. Any chance he got he was viciously scratching at it; I've never seen him more annoyed in lis life. Sometime between last night and this morning he scratched his eye ball so he is now taking not only two different antibiotics, but is receiving eye drops and a drop serum in his left eye. So yet again, the second round of chemo has been delayed. I'm so glad that Dr. Rosonke was able to fit us in today. He is such a caring vet. Beau has a cone on his head which is pretty pitiful to see but it's also kinda funny because he keeps knocking it into everything. He'll have to wear it until next week when we have another check up to be sure it is healing. Poor guy just can't stay out of the vet's office. Other than the eye issues he's doing great. The antibiotics seem to be helping him be more energized. I think he was worn out because his body was working as hard as it could to beat off the infection and was still unsuccessful. Now he's got a little boost.
We got some great news today; my dad picked up the painting of Beau! Katy Helen did an amazing job! This means that we can get started on the shirts soon. They are very soft material and run small. I would probably wear a size large so it's nice and comfortable. I'll be getting mens and women's style shirts. Let me know if you'd like me to pre-order one for you. They are $35, of course you may donate more and all proceeds go to Beau's Chemo Fund!

Beau's Painting!!! By: Katy Helen

This is what the shirts will look like, except with Beau's painting instead of this random dog.

Beau's eye this morning before the Vet :-(

Beau's eye after a couple drops, this is his "I hate Ruby" face

Cone's aren't all bad, it's a built in head rest for B!

Visiting the Hillside

Today Beau and I woke up and went to PetSmart before his doctor's appointment. He ran out of food and I wanted to get him some of that "all natural"dog food that I've heard so much about. I loaded him up in the cart and began searching the massive store. It definitely wasn't hard to find; it was in a refrigerator right at the entrance of the dog food aisle. I got the food out and let Beau sniff it to see if he'd like it. Then I looked at the ingredients and saw a bunch of random stuff that doesn't sound natural to me, "calcium pantothenate, biotin, riboflavin, thiamine mononitrate". I was like, "What the hayyyyy!" Then I decided this is as natural as it gets so I bought him a crap load. Including doggy cookies you bake at home. He loved it but it smells nasty. His appetite was wonderful this morning although he was extremely sleepy, as usual. We went to pick up my oldest brother Justin and head off to see Dr. Rosonke. When I pulled up I was actually in tears because my Dad and I were having a conversation about Beau. I've just been worried about him lately because he's been so tired and I'm afraid there's been no improvement. Although it is hard for me to really tell because I see him every day. Plus there's only been one round of chemo so there wouldn't be a huge amount of progress anyway. Justin didn't know I was crying because I had my huge sunglasses covering my face (one reason why girls buy those). Beau was happy as a clam napping in his Uncle's lap. We got to Hillside and we were welcomed by all of the staff who know and love B. The technician Gayle talked about how Beau just can't get a break but said there's no shortage of people loving him. It's true. My entire family loves Beau so much. He's really touched our hearts. Dr. Rosonke came in and looked at Beau's eye and said that it isn't an abscess! This made me relieved knowing that they wouldn't have to stick a needle in his eye. That would've been stressful for Beau to go through. The vet also said he seems to be doing great considering the circumstances. He perscribed Beau another antibiotic to take with the augmentin that he is already taking. Dr. Rosonke also gave us medicine for nausea because antibiotics tend to upset dogs stomachs. I love that he covers all the bases. I really feel as if Beau is taken care of by both his oncologist and his general veterinarian. We have been so blessed with their care. If everything goes as planned, Beau's swelling should go down with the help of the antibiotic combo and we should get to start chemo back up. His immune system is just too compromised to heal his infection from the fight right now. We came home and napped because we were both heat exhausted. Then I baked Beau cookies. He needed it after going through yet another appointment at the vet.

Beau sitting on Uncle Justin's lap!

My lover Buggle in the PetSmart cart <3

Cuddling like we do.

Backseat nap!

Yesterday I woke up to my alarm going off and looked over at my dear lover Beau, he barely even opened his eyes he was so sleepy. I got out of bed - eventually - and he just stayed laying there. He was so lethargic and didn't follow me around like he usually does. I made him break fast and he barely took two bites. I started freaking out because of course I had to leave him for this once in a lifetime interview but he was not looking good at all. I tried calling/texting anyone who might have the heart to sit with the little man for an hour...no such luck. I emailed the vet, she told me to once again put off chemo and even giving his meds til he ate some food. I decided to leave him locked in my room so he would have some peace, away from the annoying dog that lives with us. That interview felt like the longest of my life and so did the drive home. Finally I got home and he had eaten (and gotten out of bed to piss on my floor)! Hallelujah! I probably hugged him for a solid three minutes before he squirmed out of my arms. I try not to think about the fact that he might be gone some day but it always creeps into my mind and it is so freakin hard to not cry. Today I even half convinced myself that he has valley fever and not cancer.. which is insane because the oncologist said he for sure has lymphoma. It's just still way too hard to believe. I'm so worried that he's in pain. I read today that dogs with lymphoma get depressed. The idea of Beau being depressed makes me feel physical pain in my gut. There is nothing in the world that I want more than for him to be a healthy, happy, energetic, hairy (he's insanely bald), playful, five and a half year old pup. It kills me to think that the one thing that I rely on in this world might not be here anymore and I will feel more alone than ever. Getting myself out of this funk is so difficult. Once I start to feel this way I get crazy. All I need is good news from the vet. Which may be possible considering I'm going to see Dr. Rosonke, his regular -and awesome- vet tomorrow. Reason being? Well something completely ridiculous that could've been 100% prevented happened. The swelling from the dog fight with Ruby (roomie's dog) still hasn't gone down. It's been three full days of 250 mg of Augmentin (antibiotics) and his eyes are still swollen. This fight was probably around two weeks ago. Nothing makes me more pissed off. Beau is going through pain on top of his cancer. Dr. Hillers, the oncologist who prescribed the antibiotics thinks maybe it is an abscess and tomorrow we are going to Dr. Rosonke to find out. She also said she thinks there's a slight chance it could be something else, like a tumor. Although that doesn't make any sense to me because Beau gets into a fight, hours later his eye is swollen into the size of a ping bong ball-it hasn't gone down in size or changed form in any way. Tumor's don't just slow up in a few hours, or over night even (at least not that big). So we shall see. Either way, like I said on post #1, I will not allow him to go through life miserably. Sorry to be such a debbie downer. The rest of my life is going amazing, but it doesn't seem to matter because the core of my life has a terminal illness. It's been a few days since we were supposed to give the second round of chemo, we haven't received a donation since Sunday, and I have vet bills -that were completely preventable- to pay. This is the time when I wish I was a bad ass guy who punched walls, because that would really help me let some anger out. But you know what? Some people don't get a chance to love something as much as I love Beau, some people don't get to experience this feeling, and I have it every single day; for that, I am grateful. Each second is a blessing. I love him so much. Please help me keep him around longer. I know that the chemo will start back up again extremely soon, maybe even by the weekend.

My love. My life. My Beau.