Conehead Beau

Beau woke up this morning and wasn't opening his left eye. Any chance he got he was viciously scratching at it; I've never seen him more annoyed in lis life. Sometime between last night and this morning he scratched his eye ball so he is now taking not only two different antibiotics, but is receiving eye drops and a drop serum in his left eye. So yet again, the second round of chemo has been delayed. I'm so glad that Dr. Rosonke was able to fit us in today. He is such a caring vet. Beau has a cone on his head which is pretty pitiful to see but it's also kinda funny because he keeps knocking it into everything. He'll have to wear it until next week when we have another check up to be sure it is healing. Poor guy just can't stay out of the vet's office. Other than the eye issues he's doing great. The antibiotics seem to be helping him be more energized. I think he was worn out because his body was working as hard as it could to beat off the infection and was still unsuccessful. Now he's got a little boost.
We got some great news today; my dad picked up the painting of Beau! Katy Helen did an amazing job! This means that we can get started on the shirts soon. They are very soft material and run small. I would probably wear a size large so it's nice and comfortable. I'll be getting mens and women's style shirts. Let me know if you'd like me to pre-order one for you. They are $35, of course you may donate more and all proceeds go to Beau's Chemo Fund!

Beau's Painting!!! By: Katy Helen

This is what the shirts will look like, except with Beau's painting instead of this random dog.

Beau's eye this morning before the Vet :-(

Beau's eye after a couple drops, this is his "I hate Ruby" face

Cone's aren't all bad, it's a built in head rest for B!

Visiting the Hillside

Today Beau and I woke up and went to PetSmart before his doctor's appointment. He ran out of food and I wanted to get him some of that "all natural"dog food that I've heard so much about. I loaded him up in the cart and began searching the massive store. It definitely wasn't hard to find; it was in a refrigerator right at the entrance of the dog food aisle. I got the food out and let Beau sniff it to see if he'd like it. Then I looked at the ingredients and saw a bunch of random stuff that doesn't sound natural to me, "calcium pantothenate, biotin, riboflavin, thiamine mononitrate". I was like, "What the hayyyyy!" Then I decided this is as natural as it gets so I bought him a crap load. Including doggy cookies you bake at home. He loved it but it smells nasty. His appetite was wonderful this morning although he was extremely sleepy, as usual. We went to pick up my oldest brother Justin and head off to see Dr. Rosonke. When I pulled up I was actually in tears because my Dad and I were having a conversation about Beau. I've just been worried about him lately because he's been so tired and I'm afraid there's been no improvement. Although it is hard for me to really tell because I see him every day. Plus there's only been one round of chemo so there wouldn't be a huge amount of progress anyway. Justin didn't know I was crying because I had my huge sunglasses covering my face (one reason why girls buy those). Beau was happy as a clam napping in his Uncle's lap. We got to Hillside and we were welcomed by all of the staff who know and love B. The technician Gayle talked about how Beau just can't get a break but said there's no shortage of people loving him. It's true. My entire family loves Beau so much. He's really touched our hearts. Dr. Rosonke came in and looked at Beau's eye and said that it isn't an abscess! This made me relieved knowing that they wouldn't have to stick a needle in his eye. That would've been stressful for Beau to go through. The vet also said he seems to be doing great considering the circumstances. He perscribed Beau another antibiotic to take with the augmentin that he is already taking. Dr. Rosonke also gave us medicine for nausea because antibiotics tend to upset dogs stomachs. I love that he covers all the bases. I really feel as if Beau is taken care of by both his oncologist and his general veterinarian. We have been so blessed with their care. If everything goes as planned, Beau's swelling should go down with the help of the antibiotic combo and we should get to start chemo back up. His immune system is just too compromised to heal his infection from the fight right now. We came home and napped because we were both heat exhausted. Then I baked Beau cookies. He needed it after going through yet another appointment at the vet.

Beau sitting on Uncle Justin's lap!

My lover Buggle in the PetSmart cart <3

Cuddling like we do.

Backseat nap!

Yesterday I woke up to my alarm going off and looked over at my dear lover Beau, he barely even opened his eyes he was so sleepy. I got out of bed - eventually - and he just stayed laying there. He was so lethargic and didn't follow me around like he usually does. I made him break fast and he barely took two bites. I started freaking out because of course I had to leave him for this once in a lifetime interview but he was not looking good at all. I tried calling/texting anyone who might have the heart to sit with the little man for an hour...no such luck. I emailed the vet, she told me to once again put off chemo and even giving his meds til he ate some food. I decided to leave him locked in my room so he would have some peace, away from the annoying dog that lives with us. That interview felt like the longest of my life and so did the drive home. Finally I got home and he had eaten (and gotten out of bed to piss on my floor)! Hallelujah! I probably hugged him for a solid three minutes before he squirmed out of my arms. I try not to think about the fact that he might be gone some day but it always creeps into my mind and it is so freakin hard to not cry. Today I even half convinced myself that he has valley fever and not cancer.. which is insane because the oncologist said he for sure has lymphoma. It's just still way too hard to believe. I'm so worried that he's in pain. I read today that dogs with lymphoma get depressed. The idea of Beau being depressed makes me feel physical pain in my gut. There is nothing in the world that I want more than for him to be a healthy, happy, energetic, hairy (he's insanely bald), playful, five and a half year old pup. It kills me to think that the one thing that I rely on in this world might not be here anymore and I will feel more alone than ever. Getting myself out of this funk is so difficult. Once I start to feel this way I get crazy. All I need is good news from the vet. Which may be possible considering I'm going to see Dr. Rosonke, his regular -and awesome- vet tomorrow. Reason being? Well something completely ridiculous that could've been 100% prevented happened. The swelling from the dog fight with Ruby (roomie's dog) still hasn't gone down. It's been three full days of 250 mg of Augmentin (antibiotics) and his eyes are still swollen. This fight was probably around two weeks ago. Nothing makes me more pissed off. Beau is going through pain on top of his cancer. Dr. Hillers, the oncologist who prescribed the antibiotics thinks maybe it is an abscess and tomorrow we are going to Dr. Rosonke to find out. She also said she thinks there's a slight chance it could be something else, like a tumor. Although that doesn't make any sense to me because Beau gets into a fight, hours later his eye is swollen into the size of a ping bong ball-it hasn't gone down in size or changed form in any way. Tumor's don't just slow up in a few hours, or over night even (at least not that big). So we shall see. Either way, like I said on post #1, I will not allow him to go through life miserably. Sorry to be such a debbie downer. The rest of my life is going amazing, but it doesn't seem to matter because the core of my life has a terminal illness. It's been a few days since we were supposed to give the second round of chemo, we haven't received a donation since Sunday, and I have vet bills -that were completely preventable- to pay. This is the time when I wish I was a bad ass guy who punched walls, because that would really help me let some anger out. But you know what? Some people don't get a chance to love something as much as I love Beau, some people don't get to experience this feeling, and I have it every single day; for that, I am grateful. Each second is a blessing. I love him so much. Please help me keep him around longer. I know that the chemo will start back up again extremely soon, maybe even by the weekend.

My love. My life. My Beau.

 Today was supposed to be Beau's second round of chemo but not everything went as planned. The whole time we were in California he seemed very sleepy and weak, he was having trouble breathing and shaking more than usual. The other dog in my household got into a fight with him over food and bit him right above his eye, on his brow and his eye was extremely swollen (this happened pre-vacation). It's now a week and a half later and his swelling is still not down. In fact, his other eye is beginning to swell. Needless to say I've been worried about him. Dr. Hillers suggested that instead of going into the office for another visit, she would just call in antibiotics to my human pharmacy. He's taking half an antibiotic twice daily. We are planning to start chemo tomorrow morning instead. The vet said that if the swelling doesn't go down, it might be an abscess; in which case it will need to be lanced. She said if it is an abscess it would be making him feel crumby lately. I'm not sure which is better: Beau feeling weak from an abscess or Beau feeling weak from Lymphoma. I guess we just have to deal with the cards we are dealt. I'm just grateful he's here with me and still fighting. To me he seems so sickly but most people who are only around him for a few minutes don't even notice. I am feeling very hopeful though given the circumstances.
My dad and I went to the San Diego Farmer's Market to speak to an artist that I had seen there. Her name is Katy Helen and she paints animal portraits. She has agreed to paint Beau and put the painting on t-shirt's for me to sell to gather more donations. I am so excited that she is doing this for Beau! The shirts are so adorable, and extremely soft! Katy is a very talented artist and I am looking forward to seeing how many shirts we can sell! If you know you want one, give me the size and I will pre-order one for you! I'm not giving up and I never will. I'll keep finding new ways to fund his chemo and I know that God will keep Beau comfortable for as long as he possibly can.
Donations:
Gia Mendenhall: an old friend from elementary school that I haven't seen in at least ten years!
Ryan Steiner: friend from highschool who I haven't seen in 4-5 years!
Linda and Tom Buiso: family whom I have only met one time!
These donations are so amazing and encouraging. Thank you SO much :)

My mom, Miette and Beau at dog beach

Sandy Face!

Beau riding in the bike basket because he was too tired to walk, thanks again Maggie!

My Dad and Beau <3

My love

Hello everyone!!!! Today was Beau's second visit to his oncologist, the wonderful Kim Hillers! And I'm glad to share with you all that there was nothing alarming about his

blood, which means his treatment is helping! She felt his lymphnodes and asked me a few questions. I was quite scarred for the appointment today and the Beau woke up at 7 this morning and vomited....which only made me more nervous. She said maybe he just needs to be fed right before bed to help absorb his medicine. She decided to lower his prednisone dosage to 5 mg daily instead of 10 mg. Also, she asked if I would feel comfortable administering his chemo pill. Since Beau will pretty much eat anything I told her I would have no trouble shoving the pill in a hot dog and giving it to B. She decided Beau can now handle two chemotherapy pills rather than one. She also gave me gloves with the medicine and told me to wear them while handling the pill. That is a bit disconcerting but oh well. I am very happy that she thinks he is improving! Everyone who also donated deserves a HUGE thank you for paying for today's $190 appointment!!!! I love you all! As soon as the appointment was over ( it took about an hour) Beau and I began the 6 hour drive to California!!! Beau absolutely loves coming to Coronado to visit my family and the dog beach!!! The drive went very smoothly, other than it feel Inc very long. Bordere patrol only had one check point set up and the officer even had to pet Beau! I told him B was only planning causing trouble. We arrived at my Dad's and started walking straight to the beach. Sometimes I think B thinks he's a human because he spends more time makings human friends than canine friends. He walked straight up to a woman who was standing alone and sat down very nicely all while staring expectantly. She looked at me and said, "He's good! I've got treats and he knows it but I don't know how!!! Can I give him one?" As always, Beau makin' friends everywhere he goes! I have some pictures I'll add later, Beau and I are too sleepy to do it now.

Any friend of Beau's is a friend of mine.

I'm trying to only post  when I have something to share with all of you. So I'm sorry about the days between posts but believe me, I'm doing you a favor by actually giving you information to read! ;) So firstly, I said I would let you know how the Destin's Diaper Rash Cream did with healing Beau's skin issues. I noticed that after I apply the cream, his skin isn't as red and irritated. If I go a couple of days without putting it on him, his skin gets red again. So although it does work, it doesn't heal long term. But it soothes him and smells pretty good so I'm going to keep applying it daily.
His chemo has been very helpful. Dr. Hillers only gave him one pill, though with his body weight, he could handle 2 pills. She didn't want to over treat him. It makes me wonder -if one pill helped his energy level this much- what two pills would do! Since I'm with Beau all day everyday, I don't seem to notice his changes as much as other people do. I have been bringing Beau to hang out with my brothers a lot lately because they also want to spend time with him. My brother Devon was shocked at how great he was doing! Devon was so excited that Beau was runnin' around and moving as much as he is! Beau has another appointment with Dr. Hillers tomorrow and I am so anxious for it! She will take his blood and see exactly what the chemo has done to his white blood cell count. The appointment can either go very good or very bad. Either way, as soon as the appointment is over I am taking Beau with me to California! My dad loves Beau so much and so does his fiance, Maggie. They really enjoy having him around and they want to spend time with him while they can, so we're having a little vacay. Plus, Beau is absolutely in LOVE with the Coronado Dog Beach! If you have never brought your pup to a dog beach, get in your car right now and start the trip, because it is the Disneyland of the dog world. Some dog beaches I have been to are coned off and restricted to the tiniest area. The Coronado Island Dog Beach is huge, it's always busy and the city does a fabulous job at taking care of it. Beau needs to have a little fun and he's doing so well right now, so now is the time to do it.
Some of you may know already that I changed the website that Beau is getting donations from. Although the "FundRazr" site is still up and accepting donations, I made a new one on "IndieGoGo". This site has more options for me, and for those donating! It accepts credit cards and paypal accounts. Also, the money goes straight into the bank account I've started for Beau, instead of into my PayPal. Which means one less step. The link is...
http://igg.me/p/177824?a=897848

and I'd like to thank my amazing Dad for his generous donation <3 I have the best family in the world.

nap time!

Beau letting me rub the diaper rash cream on his belly.

Basking in the sun

Beau hangin out with his Uncle Justin!

Diaper rash cream for dogs?

Firstly, I'd like to share with all of you that last night Beau received a $100 donation from a complete stranger! I received the email notification, and I didn't recognize the man's name so I called my dad and looked him up on facebook. To my complete shock, I have no mutual friends with him, he doesn't even live in the same state as I do! I feel so grateful and blessed to have gotten a donation from somebody who doesn't know me... it was purely out of the goodness of his heart. His caption underneath the donation is "Love heals all."... Wow. I hope it does because my love for Beau is unconditional! It is an amazing feeling to know that there are still great people out in this world. So THANK YOU! to this kind soul, and THANK YOU to all of my friends and family members who have donated to Beau! :) Please continue spreading the word!
This morning Beau kept waking me up because he was a hungry boy. I couldn't just ignore his requests so I got up and made him some chicken and black beans. He loved every bite! Then I took a look at him and it seemed that his skin irritation was worse this morning. Although I can never be sure because I can be very paranoid and a bit of a hypochondriac at times. But I swear his lumps and bumps from the Lymphoma looked more red than usual. I considered emailing Dr. Hillers but I decided not to bother her because I know she must be busy at work. To my surprise Dr. Hillers emailed me early this afternoon! The email asked about how Beau is and told me that his blood-work looked good overall but his liver enzymes were high which is likely due to the steroids. I love that she is the kind of doctor to just email to see how her patient is doing! I told her about his skin being so red and asked what I could do to soothe him a bit. I had tried Aquaphor but it didn't really absorb into his skin and he loved to lick it off right away. She said that Destin Diaper Rash Cream would help a because it doesn't get too goopy but it's moist enough to heal. She also said that it has zinc oxide in it too which may help decrease bacteria. Dr. Hillers even uses it on her own dog and she's never seen any side effects! I was thrilled to get her quick response so that I could start treating the problem. I flipped Beau on his back and started rubbing the cream on his most irritated areas. At first he was a confused and squirmy but after a couple seconds he just relaxed and let me lift up his arms to get everywhere I needed to. I'm guessing it felt soothing for him, because his eyes started closing and he kept calm. To my surprise the cream actually smells good! Beau didn't really even try to lick it off and it absorbed very nicely, it didn't just sit on top of the skin! I'll update you in a couple days and let you know if it seems to be healing at all.
To any other pet parent going through something similar to what I am going through, I have a bit of advice- Have an amazing group of friends. I have been struggling everyday. I haven't been going out because I want to be with Beau every second that I can. I would never be able to do this alone. My friends have been amazing. One in particular, Kersten (SHOUT OUT!) who was there when I got the news about Beau's cancer being back. She has seen me cry more than anyone recently, which is not a fun sight. Everyday she asks about Beau and gives me words of encouragement. This is exactly what I need. Kersten, along with all of my other friends, have been so sweet and caring and encouraging. My friends who have donated have especially touched my heart because I know they are just as broke as I am, yet they are reaching out and giving Beau the few dollars they can...that really means so much. A strong support system is key in times like these.
Donations: Stephanie Ayoub, one of my dearest friends donated to Beau's chemo fund today. I love you so much Steph, thank you for helping us out!

An encouraging text from my sweet friend Kylee. She has such a kind heart and I loved waking up to this.

Ruby and Beau watching me cook Beau's breakfast.

Straight chillin'. You can see some of his lumps on his chest.

He likes to peek through the window.

After I rubbed the Destin's Cream on him..You can see it a bit on his neck.

Relaxed while I try to help his irritation. 

He loves burrowing onto my pillows.

He's not asleep, he just blinked :)

First day of healing...

I was trying to wait until after my homework was finished to post today but I couldn't wait. Today was the first day of Beau's healing, that's the way I like to think of it. Yesterday was his first Chemo so today is the beginning of his improvement. Let me tell you all, he seems to be doing great. I want everyone to know something very important: I would never put my dog through any pain. The second Beau seems to be miserable with cancer, I will do what any responsible dog owner would do... I will put him down. That is not something I like to think about because I truly believe Beau is going to be strong and fight this. But I don't think it is right to keep an animal alive when they are hurting just so that I can be happy. Moving on... it seems everyday I find a new lesion on Beau. I hate that more than anything. Although, some of his lesions are decreasing in size which is wonderful and gives me hope that his internal tumors might be shrinking also. Every time he breathes super heavily I can't help but picture his lungs covered with tumors, that thought hurts my heart. But maybe his meds are doing their job, maybe the tumors are disappearing. Along with Chemo, Beau is taking 1/2 of a 20 mg prednisone pill everyday. Prednisone seems to make Beau very thirsty, hungry all the time (even though Beau has always been constantly hungry), and urinate often. Prednisone also makes him puffy and gain wait. Just to make him happier -and make myself feel better- I have increased his food. I used to feed him 1/2 cup of dog food once daily. Now I feed him in the morning and at night. I fill his bowl to the rim. Guilty. I should be trying to watch his weight because right now - according to Dr. Hillers - he is at the perfect weight. But, he has cancer, why not let him eat what he wants? There's been much speculation about dog kibble; some say it is bad for your dog with all those chemicals. Honestly, I have no idea whether that is true or just a bunch of bologna. Either way, I have no idea what is in dog food, so I have been feeding him people food since starting treatment. I'm very careful I don't give him anything processed! So he's been eating chicken, tuna (only rarely), chick peas, etc. I plan on going to Costco and getting more chicken breast, some fish filet, and brown rice to feed him. I find it funny that I've been cooking for him more than I've been cooking for me.
I've got a couple of silly Beau stories to tell; hopefully they make you giggle. Last night after I posted my first entry, Kersten and I went to go get some take out. When I take Beau in the car with me I usually just put his collar on and walk out front because he never runs off, he typically just goes straight to the car. Well, my neighbors were just coming home and were in their garage attempting to close the door. Beau ran straight over to their house and strolls right into the garage. Of course the garage gets stuck and I hear the woman say, "What the hell was that..." I immediately tell them how sorry I am and I look over to see Beau sniffin' around the garage waggin' his tail as if this is his home. I tell them not to be worried that it's just my dog bein' a goof ball (as usual). They come over and pet Beau and say how cute he is (of course). Then the woman notices one of Beau's lesions and says "What is that on his back?" I was a little shocked at how up front she was, it's like she thought I was beating him or something. The only thing I could think to respond with was the truth, so I told her he has cancer. Her response was, "Oh, is he okay?" All I wanted to say to her was, "OH YEAH HE'S JUST PEACHY! CANCER IS SO MUCH FUNNN! Seriously Lady? What the hell do you mean is he okay!?" Anyway, Beau enjoyed meeting new people and hanging out in their garage. Typical B, always makin' pals. This afternoon I took Beau with me to pick up my prescription at CVS Pharmacy. I pulled up to the drive through, rolled down my window and Beau immediately jumps up and puts half his body out. He does this every time I roll my window down because he's expecting some nice person to be giving him treats on the other side. The pharmacist immediately asked me who I had with me so I made the proper introduction, Beau meet Pharmacist, Pharmacist meet Beau. She asked me if she was allowed to give him a bone; I always find this silly because what dog owner would refuse their dog a free bone? She then asked some more questions about my beautiful boy. The whole time I was hoping she wouldn't notice his lesions because I really hate explaining it to people; luckily she didn't see them. The nice lady then told me I should bring him back when my prescription was ready because she wanted to see him again. It makes me happy when I see Beau bringing smiles to people's faces because that is what he does to me, he brings happiness into my life every day.


Donations:
3 today from Maggie West: my step-Mom to be :), Summer Helmbeck, and Adrien Pesque who donated very generously! I want to thank everyone so much for continuing support! Please share our story and try getting some donations! Love you all!

Beau takin a nap today... Here you can see some of his skin irritation caused by the lymphoma, around his nose, mouth, eyes, in his ears and on his chest.

This is a bible verse that I enjoyed reading. That is how I am feeling right now. I have hope in His word. He is protecting me and B.

A prayer for healing. My wonderful Aunt Susie gave me this prayer book. Please pray for Beau with me :)

First day of Chemotherapy

Today we had our first visit to the oncologist. I couldn't manage to go alone this morning to meet Beau's new doctor. Thank God my biggest brother Justin didn't work this morning so he could be there with me for support. I had waited five days to finally get to see Dr. Kim Hillers at Southwest Veterinary Surgical in Scottsdale. Five days was long enough, so I took the earliest appointment I could get-8 am. Beau is always great at the vet's office, he just chills on my lap til the doctor enters. We sat down and filled out the regular paper work... finally they called us in. My first reaction from her was that she is extremely sweet and personable. Her first course of action was to find all the lesions and make a note of them. Of course I knew where they all were so it wasn't very difficult for her to find them with my help.  Next was the hardest part of the appointment- the only time when I almost lost it- she asked me what I planned to do, if I wanted to proceed with treatment. I didn't know how to reply, I knew I was about to cry. I felt tears well up in my eyes when I said, "Yeah I don't want him to be uncomfortable or in pain... so whatever you would do for your dog is what I want to do..". Thankfully, those tears never fell. I think if I was alone- if Justin wasn't with me- I would've cried because of the nerves and fear. That would've been quite embarrassing..."Nice to meet you, wanna see me cry?" That's when Dr. Hillers gave us an estimate of today's appointment. She said she could take biopsies of the bumps and look at them under the microscope and that would cost $400 or she could do that plus run tests for Valley Fever and Flea Fever and that would cost about $500. She quite honestly told me she didn't think he had either one of those, she was pretty positive it was Lymphoma based on his lesions. So we went with the cheaper option. Dr. Hillers came back and told me that he definitely had Lymphoma. She took samples from two separate areas two be positive, even though Beau didn't like the feeling of being scraped. I tried to put my mind past his discomfort. Beau has what other dog's don't typically have- T-Cell Lymphoma- most other dogs have B-Cell. Of course, there is a shorter life expectancy with T-Cell Lymphoma, just our luck right? Dr. Hillers said that most dogs live 6-9 months with this cancer, it most likely wouldn't be 2 years again. The thing made me so happy is that from the moment we walked into the office she made a point to tell me what a miracle Beau is. Of course I know that he is a miracle but it is great to see that other people realize it too. He is my miracle. We of course gave him the oral chemo-which is just a pill- he won't lose any hair or anything. We're going back in a week to check his white blood cell count. She started the dosage of chemo small so that she didn't over treat him and kill too many white blood cells. Please pray that he takes this well. I'll be by his side every step of the way.

How am I feeling.....? Well, I don't know if I can put it into words. I feel helpless but not hopeless. I can't do much to help him but I can hope and pray (daily, sometimes twice daily) for the best. Every time I look at him I feel like crying. A couple of times I lost it and just held him while I wept and told him i'm sorry.. but he kept staring at me like, " What are you cryin' for mama?!"... so I decided to stop crying and to be strong for him. I want to try to enjoy every moment I have with him. So I try to hold the tears back. I'm scared. I'm sad. I'm worried above all. But I have faith. Everyday is a new day. Every minute with him is a gift. <3

Donations:

2 today from Nohea Cutting (Friend) and Steve & Toni Ruff (Family) 

Thank you all for all the support. I can't put into words how much it means to me. I love you all.

Beau on the way to his first day of Chemo
My brave boy