First day of healing...

I was trying to wait until after my homework was finished to post today but I couldn't wait. Today was the first day of Beau's healing, that's the way I like to think of it. Yesterday was his first Chemo so today is the beginning of his improvement. Let me tell you all, he seems to be doing great. I want everyone to know something very important: I would never put my dog through any pain. The second Beau seems to be miserable with cancer, I will do what any responsible dog owner would do... I will put him down. That is not something I like to think about because I truly believe Beau is going to be strong and fight this. But I don't think it is right to keep an animal alive when they are hurting just so that I can be happy. Moving on... it seems everyday I find a new lesion on Beau. I hate that more than anything. Although, some of his lesions are decreasing in size which is wonderful and gives me hope that his internal tumors might be shrinking also. Every time he breathes super heavily I can't help but picture his lungs covered with tumors, that thought hurts my heart. But maybe his meds are doing their job, maybe the tumors are disappearing. Along with Chemo, Beau is taking 1/2 of a 20 mg prednisone pill everyday. Prednisone seems to make Beau very thirsty, hungry all the time (even though Beau has always been constantly hungry), and urinate often. Prednisone also makes him puffy and gain wait. Just to make him happier -and make myself feel better- I have increased his food. I used to feed him 1/2 cup of dog food once daily. Now I feed him in the morning and at night. I fill his bowl to the rim. Guilty. I should be trying to watch his weight because right now - according to Dr. Hillers - he is at the perfect weight. But, he has cancer, why not let him eat what he wants? There's been much speculation about dog kibble; some say it is bad for your dog with all those chemicals. Honestly, I have no idea whether that is true or just a bunch of bologna. Either way, I have no idea what is in dog food, so I have been feeding him people food since starting treatment. I'm very careful I don't give him anything processed! So he's been eating chicken, tuna (only rarely), chick peas, etc. I plan on going to Costco and getting more chicken breast, some fish filet, and brown rice to feed him. I find it funny that I've been cooking for him more than I've been cooking for me.
I've got a couple of silly Beau stories to tell; hopefully they make you giggle. Last night after I posted my first entry, Kersten and I went to go get some take out. When I take Beau in the car with me I usually just put his collar on and walk out front because he never runs off, he typically just goes straight to the car. Well, my neighbors were just coming home and were in their garage attempting to close the door. Beau ran straight over to their house and strolls right into the garage. Of course the garage gets stuck and I hear the woman say, "What the hell was that..." I immediately tell them how sorry I am and I look over to see Beau sniffin' around the garage waggin' his tail as if this is his home. I tell them not to be worried that it's just my dog bein' a goof ball (as usual). They come over and pet Beau and say how cute he is (of course). Then the woman notices one of Beau's lesions and says "What is that on his back?" I was a little shocked at how up front she was, it's like she thought I was beating him or something. The only thing I could think to respond with was the truth, so I told her he has cancer. Her response was, "Oh, is he okay?" All I wanted to say to her was, "OH YEAH HE'S JUST PEACHY! CANCER IS SO MUCH FUNNN! Seriously Lady? What the hell do you mean is he okay!?" Anyway, Beau enjoyed meeting new people and hanging out in their garage. Typical B, always makin' pals. This afternoon I took Beau with me to pick up my prescription at CVS Pharmacy. I pulled up to the drive through, rolled down my window and Beau immediately jumps up and puts half his body out. He does this every time I roll my window down because he's expecting some nice person to be giving him treats on the other side. The pharmacist immediately asked me who I had with me so I made the proper introduction, Beau meet Pharmacist, Pharmacist meet Beau. She asked me if she was allowed to give him a bone; I always find this silly because what dog owner would refuse their dog a free bone? She then asked some more questions about my beautiful boy. The whole time I was hoping she wouldn't notice his lesions because I really hate explaining it to people; luckily she didn't see them. The nice lady then told me I should bring him back when my prescription was ready because she wanted to see him again. It makes me happy when I see Beau bringing smiles to people's faces because that is what he does to me, he brings happiness into my life every day.


Donations:
3 today from Maggie West: my step-Mom to be :), Summer Helmbeck, and Adrien Pesque who donated very generously! I want to thank everyone so much for continuing support! Please share our story and try getting some donations! Love you all!

Beau takin a nap today... Here you can see some of his skin irritation caused by the lymphoma, around his nose, mouth, eyes, in his ears and on his chest.

This is a bible verse that I enjoyed reading. That is how I am feeling right now. I have hope in His word. He is protecting me and B.

A prayer for healing. My wonderful Aunt Susie gave me this prayer book. Please pray for Beau with me :)

First day of Chemotherapy

Today we had our first visit to the oncologist. I couldn't manage to go alone this morning to meet Beau's new doctor. Thank God my biggest brother Justin didn't work this morning so he could be there with me for support. I had waited five days to finally get to see Dr. Kim Hillers at Southwest Veterinary Surgical in Scottsdale. Five days was long enough, so I took the earliest appointment I could get-8 am. Beau is always great at the vet's office, he just chills on my lap til the doctor enters. We sat down and filled out the regular paper work... finally they called us in. My first reaction from her was that she is extremely sweet and personable. Her first course of action was to find all the lesions and make a note of them. Of course I knew where they all were so it wasn't very difficult for her to find them with my help.  Next was the hardest part of the appointment- the only time when I almost lost it- she asked me what I planned to do, if I wanted to proceed with treatment. I didn't know how to reply, I knew I was about to cry. I felt tears well up in my eyes when I said, "Yeah I don't want him to be uncomfortable or in pain... so whatever you would do for your dog is what I want to do..". Thankfully, those tears never fell. I think if I was alone- if Justin wasn't with me- I would've cried because of the nerves and fear. That would've been quite embarrassing..."Nice to meet you, wanna see me cry?" That's when Dr. Hillers gave us an estimate of today's appointment. She said she could take biopsies of the bumps and look at them under the microscope and that would cost $400 or she could do that plus run tests for Valley Fever and Flea Fever and that would cost about $500. She quite honestly told me she didn't think he had either one of those, she was pretty positive it was Lymphoma based on his lesions. So we went with the cheaper option. Dr. Hillers came back and told me that he definitely had Lymphoma. She took samples from two separate areas two be positive, even though Beau didn't like the feeling of being scraped. I tried to put my mind past his discomfort. Beau has what other dog's don't typically have- T-Cell Lymphoma- most other dogs have B-Cell. Of course, there is a shorter life expectancy with T-Cell Lymphoma, just our luck right? Dr. Hillers said that most dogs live 6-9 months with this cancer, it most likely wouldn't be 2 years again. The thing made me so happy is that from the moment we walked into the office she made a point to tell me what a miracle Beau is. Of course I know that he is a miracle but it is great to see that other people realize it too. He is my miracle. We of course gave him the oral chemo-which is just a pill- he won't lose any hair or anything. We're going back in a week to check his white blood cell count. She started the dosage of chemo small so that she didn't over treat him and kill too many white blood cells. Please pray that he takes this well. I'll be by his side every step of the way.

How am I feeling.....? Well, I don't know if I can put it into words. I feel helpless but not hopeless. I can't do much to help him but I can hope and pray (daily, sometimes twice daily) for the best. Every time I look at him I feel like crying. A couple of times I lost it and just held him while I wept and told him i'm sorry.. but he kept staring at me like, " What are you cryin' for mama?!"... so I decided to stop crying and to be strong for him. I want to try to enjoy every moment I have with him. So I try to hold the tears back. I'm scared. I'm sad. I'm worried above all. But I have faith. Everyday is a new day. Every minute with him is a gift. <3

Donations:

2 today from Nohea Cutting (Friend) and Steve & Toni Ruff (Family) 

Thank you all for all the support. I can't put into words how much it means to me. I love you all.

Beau on the way to his first day of Chemo
My brave boy